I am learning to make my writing more interesting for the reader.
I know I will be able to do this when I add more detail, interesting words and include what I see, hear, smell and feel.
I woke at 7 :30 . I couldn’t wait until the day was over because we were going to Napier.
It was in the middle of the night when I arrived in Napier. Uncle Carl and I got Burger King before we went to his house. I met Marayae then I went to bed.
Marayae was nice to me.
In the morning I began the day eating a piece of toast and had a drink of juice. After that Marayae and I played down stairs with an exercise ball.
The next morning I had some weetbix and a drink of juice again. I had a big surprise. The surprise was Marayae and I were going to inflatable world. This would be incredible. After that we went to aquarium. I saw a big, big shark. A man was in the tank with a bucket full of fish and sardines.
After the aquarium we went back to Uncle Carl’s house.
The next day we went home and I went to bed early.
Hello Lily. I liked the way you described going to inflatable world as incredible. How did you feel when you arrived there Lily? What did you see and hear?
ReplyDelete